How Becoming a Wallflower at the Dance Can Blow Up Your Company

Leaders in your company are “can do” people.  They take charge of situations — talk often and loudly.  They are the prom queen/king at the dance.  They are in the midst of the crowd showing their dance moves to the masses.  I want to tell you why the wallflower at the dance has a unique way of seeing, that the prom queen/king does not have.

Ronald Heifetz and Marty Linsky of the Harvard Kennedy School of Government have coined a phrase that captures the wisdom in being a wallflower.  They say that we need to “Get off the dance floor and up on the balcony. ”  What does this mean?  Simply put, it is about getting out of daily operations on a regular basis long enough to observe what is going on in your business.  Sounds simple enough, yet so few actually practice it successfully.

Imagine what the wallflower sees as he/she is perched on the balcony at the school dance.  They see the larger patterns that are going on.  They see how people are entering and exiting the dance floor.  Who is dancing with whom.  They see what songs get more people out on the dance floor.  They see the bad seeds spiking the punch bowl.  Their removed view helps them to see the integration of all the parts into the whole that is the dance.  They see things that the movers and shakers on the dance floor cannot from their viewpoint.  So what am I getting at, or am I just a frustrated nerd who is trying to justify his meek behavior in high school.

What I am getting at is this.  We need to assume both positions.  The great thing about real life we discover, is it is not black or white — either, or.  It is, as Jim Collins calls it, the “Genius of the And.”  We need to be people who get stuff done (on the dance floor,) and those who regularly step back and reflect (take a spot on the balcony.) We can be both.  Life and leadership at work is too complex not to take time to understand the nuances and subtleties that are going on all around us.  Getting on the balcony allows you to more clearly decipher the subtleties of the situation that we wish we would catch the first time around, instead of having them come back to bite you afterwards.  One of these subtleties could be understanding who the hidden stakeholders are in a given project that could sabotage the project if not actively brought into the process.  Another could be considering how people far down stream from a decision will be affected, and how that will hinder effectiveness of an initiative.

So how does one get on the balcony?  Here are several basic ways to start cultivating this discipline.  Note the words cultivate and discipline.  Very carefully chosen words.  This is a process that takes time and effort to develop.  These ways of seeing take time to make part of your normal routine.

1.  Set up a weekly time to reflect on the past week’s work activities and where you need to concentrate your efforts next week.  For those of you who think this is just about plugging new dates and planning your next week it is not.  It is about first reflecting on what is going on, then gauging where you can have the most effective input the next week.  Leaders need to get off the merry go round regularly to see how the dynamics of the spinning are affecting themselves and others at work.  I recommend using Friday morning because you want to use some fresh brain-power to get this done, and it is timely enough to motivate you to set up your next week.  One tool to help you  is to think of every project or task in which you have been involved this past week and list them.  Next, look at each item and ask yourself, what is going well?  What needs to be cleaned up this week?  And Who could I ask about the initiative that would expand my view on it?

2.  Get others views on the subjects at hand from trusted confidants.   Some former presidents had their kitchen cabinets, those who informally gave them feedback on important matters, but were not officially charged to do so.  You can also do this be walking around and listening to others informal feedback, to understand the undercurrents of the culture (MBWA).

3.  Here is a real pearl of wisdom:  actually pay attention to what your boss and your boss’s boss are seeing.  They are responsible for seeing the larger picture.  The may be privy to information or pressures you are not aware of.

4.  Finally, slow down enough to listen to other people.  Good listeners have a higher EQ, because they are good observers.  This brings back to why wallflowers’ way of seeing life can be a lens with which you want to become familiar.   Viva la Wallflowers!

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Changing the Stories Will Change your Culture

Leaders often make the comment  “I don’t know where to start to change the culture.  It’s just such a difficult thing.”  This is true.  Changing the culture is a difficult thing,  but not an impossible one.  Here is one action you can take as a leader, to help make a difference in your culture — change the stories being told.   Stories are a powerful communication tool used at your organization whether you are aware of it our not (Awareness is a big deal — see the last post.)  Stories are a major contributor to what messages people hear about your culture.  You have all heard the urban legend of McDonald’s using some kind of mystery meat in their hamburgers, or Proctor & Gamble’s logo is somehow a satanic symbol. None of these have ever been proven in any way, shape, or form, yet they still survive today as tale people tell.  Those stories shape culture.

Why is this important for you to know?  Because as a leader you can have an active role in shaping the culture of your organization.  Listen to the stories about your culture that are told.  Do you like them?  If they are good ones continue to propagate them.  If not, you have two choices to change the stories,  that I have learned over the years:

1.)  You yourself do something dramatic in your culture  that  is story-worthy in a positive sense;

2.)  Find others in your organization who are doing story-worthy things and start telling their stories.  Bring them up often and everywhere.  Keep finding new stories to tell.  You don’t want to be labeled a “broken record.”

Stories are an easy way to start shaping the culture in the direction that you think it should go.  After all, 50% of a leader’s job should be about actively shaping the culture within which his/her followers operate.

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Leaders and Emotional Intelligence

I am struck over and over again, by the lack of savvy some in leadership positions have.  Your chief job as a leader in any walk of life is to understand and shape the culture in  your sphere of influence.  Too many leaders in organizations think their job is to get stuff done.  This is only partially correct.  Their job is to get stuff done through others while maintaining a sustainable work environment.  The key to the latter part of the mandate is to be highly aware of what is going on around them.  I have encountered many leaders in my work who have really turned their leadership up a notch, by paying attention to social and emotional cues going on all around them.  One the other day just mentioned that “Since I have become more aware of my impact on others, I can see a pathway to being more effective.”  So where do you go to become aware?  Daniel Goleman’s work around emotional intelligence is a great start.  Just google Goleman and emotional intelligence  and you will be on your way.

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